In The "ARE YOU CRAHZEE?!" World of Little Miss Muffet
Thursday, March 05, 2009
the time has come..
for a new blogsite. :)
While blogdrive has been plenty fun and holds oh so many memories for me, I no longer have space here anymore. I'll leave this blog right where it is, but photos from past entries might be gone. Not because I can be bothered to go and delete the photos, but more because links from these photos might be broken. If there was a (free) way to keep every single entry I've written, I would, but as life (and blogdrive) would have it, there are some things that you just need to commit to your mind's eye and memory. It's like how photos sometimes just don't do the real image in front of you justice.
Sometimes it's not about just knowing y'know and saying "ohh, it's alright, that's normal.."? It's not about wanting to do something, it's about really doing it. And it's about really looking at the whole picture and not at just what's in front of you at that moment, for that moment. It's about looking at the big picture and dealing with that for someone else if not just for yourself. Then again, sometimes, it's simply just what's in front of you, that matters the most.
Thing is, what's in front of you, cannot stay there forever. At some point, your vision begins to expand to the peripheral. And that's when things go quiet for a while.
It's going to be a pretty day. Because I want it to be. :)
To not be bothered by the things people say. To ignore the not-so-subtle protectiveness over what they do not realise was once such a big part of my life. To know that I too grapple with accepting the fact that I need to move. To not be affected by the dreams I nor other people have while we sleep.
To know that I'm not alone on this side of the river and to have my heart warmed and skipping all over the place and a smile that would put the Cheshire Cat to shame.
It's like how you don't think you're tired until you're sit down. Suddenly it hits you and you're surprised at just how exhausted you are.It's not the events of any day or night in particular, it's just the giant snowball that got too heavy to push anymore. So without understanding or warning, your legs buckle from beneath you, you curl up in the snow and fall into a long deep sleep...
...And find that you've woken up to a quiet place, where little lights dot the trees and pathways. And fairies stand guard, smiling serenely in silence.
I finally went to the botanics to do my readings. It's been something I've been wanting to do for the longest longest time and it was really fun and surprisingly productive.
While watching some kids playing under this huge tree I thought the tree looked awfully familiar. Then I realised that it was the exact same tree that my cousins (kel, jes and sunil to be exact), my brother and I sat on years ago. I thought it was really sweet to have walked through the park that's so different now and yet find something that hasn't changed a bit.
I'm learning to cut things out better now. I keep reminding myself that the answers will be the same, so there's no point harping on it. I'm totally aware that I could be in denial of some sort or maybe just running away from the niggling, frustrating thoughts that come from deep within. I know that I'm tired, just too tired to argue, to keep standing up and walking into a brick wall because just because I say it's okay, doesn't mean it doesn't have an impact on me.
That said, I know I'm happier now and more in control now that I've got a bigger pair of scissors. (in a completely non-psycho manner) :p
"doubting is a very normal thing in life, but have you noticed that you never doubt the sad things in your life? Have you ever asked yourself "Am I reeeeally sad?" No right? But when someone tells you they love you, you ask yourself what they're up to."
i want to stop doubting and i'm not talking about love.
Sometimes i just doubt exclusiveness, not out of choice mind you, it just occurs to me every now and then and while that makes me sad to even consider that possibility, other things make me happy.
i think that every book that i have read was read at an intended time in my life. Just today i was musing over which book i should start reading and when i finally decided on one, sat down to start reading, i realised that i had picked up this book before. I think I couldn't get past the first chapter because it seemed too boring for me at that time. But right now, I'm completely immersed in it and i can hardly put it down.
I recently encountered an untrue rumor about me. Although I found it annoying, I found it mildly interesting that this person probably didn't realise that word would get round to me. Or maybe that's what this person wanted and if so, what is it that this person is expecting? Coz I'm not about to run the streets with a banner declaring innocence. Neither am I about to burn down the house it lives in or pick a fist fight, I'm no Rocky. So what is this person is expecting actually?
i think it is quite the humdinger really.
I could continue mulling over the whole thing and getting upset over how some people just don't know how to keep their smelly pie-holes shut, but I suppose life isn't interesting without these things to bitch about. :)
Oh and by the way, be careful people don't start spreading that you've got syphilis. I don't think you'd like that very much.
I had a dream last night, I won't go into details, but my friend interpreted it as a sign that I'll be helping someone/ people through new beginnings.
I was looking in to the eyes of a newborn baby today and like it is with every child, I saw new hope, new possibilities, the fresh new beginning parents probably see in their child and I began to wonder if that's what parents think it is. Do they think that this new child is a new beginning for them? That this child is somehow going to take away all the problems that they have? Do they think that now that this child is going to achieve all the dreams and aspirations that they never could? I continued looking at the baby and mused over how something so small has got so much to fulfill and it hasn't even learnt how to walk yet.
2009 didn't spring up, it didn't hit me like whoa. It just came like how Christmas just came. It was quiet and it was nice. It's funny though, how somehow on new year's day I just expect something to happen, just like how parents probably think that their new child is going to take away all the worries they had before the baby was born. I imagine some big light or vacuum cleaner to come and suck away everything and leave me with a completely clean slate. But as night fell, I realised that it's just a day. The same as every other and it's not the date or day that's going to give me a clean slate, it's me. It's up to me to say that I want a clean slate and it's up to me to let go of the things that keep me in my worries.
I've got lots of things I want to do in 2009 but unlike the excitement I usually feel most new year's days, I'm so relaxed I'm surprising myself.
"Little Miss Muffet, sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. And' then came a spider and sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.
Except that in my version, Little Miss Muffet (LMM) doesn't quite like curds and whey and the spider didn't want to scare Miss Muffet away, so they're really quite cool with each other. :)
LMM was given her name because apparently among her friends, she's the only one who's the most likey to finish her curds and whey. What her friends didn't know, is that LMM doesn't really like curds and whey. :)
LMM is rather pessimistic when it comes to her life, but when it comes to other people's lives, suddenly she's Elmo from Sesame Street.
Swimming, a good day at the beach with clear waters, anything with midori in it, an ice-cold beer with calamari and buffalo wings, jogging it all off after, snuggling up on the couch with a good movie, ice-cream (almost all flavours), sitcoms, travelling, beautiful scenery, baking, learning to cook new things, partying the night away with good company, chilling out with a good drink with good company, sleeping in the next day, waking up to a cold cold morning and being allowed to go back to sleep, long walks, picnics, her family and her friends are a few of her favourite things. :)
